


Waste the night

by SHADOWSQUILL



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Childish Rose Tyler, Confused Doctor, F/M, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-25
Updated: 2017-01-16
Packaged: 2018-08-17 08:27:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 21,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8137247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SHADOWSQUILL/pseuds/SHADOWSQUILL
Summary: In nine hundred years of travels in time and space, the Doctor had never lived something as strange, as intriguing and as fantastic as the thing that happened a few hours ago.





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "In nine hundred years of travels in time and space, I’ve never lived something as strange, as intriguing and as fantastic as the thing that happened a few hours ago."

MONTH: 0.

 

12/17/06

 

_This feels weird. Like really weird. In nine hundred years of travels in time and space, I’ve never lived something as strange, as intriguing and as fantastic as the thing that happened a few hours ago. Maybe a bit scary too. I would never admit it though. And I really can’t understand how this could have happened. That is a first! I should take a look to the TARDIS’ library someday. Maybe I’ll find the answers to all the questions running through my mind right now. My head is hurting but I can’t stop thinking. I write everything down and maybe – maybe! – I’ll see something in my words that could help me to understand. Everything is so confused right now. I don’t remember feeling that way before. Pretty bad, but relieved. And really, really confused._

_I should have regenerated. I remembered it very clearly in the middle of my confusion. The Daleks had invaded Satellite 5 and were killing everyone. I was building a Delta Wave to destroy them all, but I refused to activate the thing. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t commit another genocide. This was too much. So I just chose to face my Death. That’s when the Bad Wolf I’ve been chasing down all those months showed up. That’s when Rose showed up as the Bad Wolf. And I did my best to get the Time Vortex out of her mind, even if I had to die to save her. I had many option to do so, but I just chose to kiss her. Unfortunately, she had no memory of that kiss, nor even of being the Bad Wolf. The most important thing was she was safe and sound. Nothing mattered more to me. I’m gonna keep an eye on her, whether she likes it or not. I have to be sure the Time Vortex didn’t hurt her badly. Better be careful with that thing._

_The only thing I’m sure of for now is that I didn’t regenerate and that I’m in Rose’s room at Jackie’s. I don’t know how I ended up there or how I got into those pyjamas but I’m sure Rose would give me an explanation. I can hear her coming to the room. She’s coming to check on me. I hope Jackie and Mickey won’t be there. I’m confused enough. I can only hear the footsteps of one person. Good._

_×_

_Rose told me what had happened. I still don’t understand but, at least, I know what happened. Apparently, I told her everything about the regeneration process but she didn’t believe it was safe for me. She got really worried when I burst into golden light. According to her, it suddenly disappeared and I fell to the ground while the TARDIS crashed down in the Powell Estate. I remembered some of it now. The pain going straight to my head, the seconds of surprise because I didn’t change, falling onto the ground. She thought I was crazy, that it was some kind of a trick but when she realised I wasn’t waking up, she asked Jackie and Mickey to bring me to the flat where she took care of me for hours, waiting for the fever to lower, waiting for him to wake up. She looked relieved that I was awake. She took the cold rag off of my head and gave me some tea. I feel better now. She smiled at me. I stroked her face gently and got surprised when she leaned into my touch and fell asleep._

_The poor girl had taken care of me though she was exhausted and still hadn’t fully recover from the Bad Wolf events. I laid her down next to me very carefully, pulling the covers over her. I got surprised when she curled up against me like a cat and felt a bit embarrassed though it was kinda pleasurable. I closed my eyes and had some more sleep with her. A sleep quickly disturbed by the presence of Jackie. She didn’t understand why Rose was sleeping on me with my arms around her. I had to admit I had no idea of how it could have happened in a few minutes. Jackie thought I was lying and threw me out with my stuffs saying I’d never touch her daughter no matter how much she loved me. I wasn’t surprised by her words. I found out for Rose’s feelings some time ago and didn’t say a thing about it. I found out about mine later, after the empty child adventure, when we danced together, but I kept them silent so she wouldn’t know. We can’t be together. I will not be able to watch her decay and die. And yet, I loved the kiss we shared. Too bad she didn’t remember it._

_She came to me later that night. She apologised for her mother’s behaviour but I didn’t care. Jackie always acted like this with me. Surprising she didn’t slap me though. Well, I was sat on the pilot seat, feet on the console – much to the displeasure of the TARDIS – starring at the ceiling when she came in with a few things to eat. She figured out I was hungry and knew I wouldn’t have eaten. We shared the meal silently not knowing what to say to each other. I just thanked her in the end. For not letting me down, for taking care of me. She didn’t say a word and, suddenly, she was above me, her lips on mine, her hands gripped on my jumper. I should have pushed her away but I didn’t because I wanted it as much as her. I kissed her back, passionately. We could have stopped there but we didn’t. Her hands were exploring my body and I did the same with hers. It was like we couldn’t control each other anymore. We had sex tonight. I made love to her and I don’t know how it’s gonna be between us now. Everything will change, for sure._


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "We were just two friends and damn! I’d never think those words would hurt so much. I’ve always thought of Rose as my companion, my friend, my best friend."

MONTH: 1.

 

01/19/07

 

_We actually never talked about what had happened that night. I remember her blushing really hard when she realised what we had done. Rose Tyler was a virgin and she offered herself to me without a second thought, without a word. She got dressed and ran away to her room right after and I didn’t her coming out for two long days. I literally didn’t know what to think about that night and it drove me mad because I hate not knowing something and I don’t know why Rose acted that way with me, why she jumped on me, why she accepted to have sex with me if it was to run away right after. I was tinkering under the console when she came out and walked straight to me and asked me what I was doing and why I was spending so much time there bothering the TARDIS when the old girl kept burning my fingers because she didn’t like it. And to prove her point, the TARDIS burnt my fingers so Rose laughed and took the first aid kit and healed my burnt fingers like she always did._

_I was feeling really uncomfortable with Rose healing my fingers silently, something very unusual about her who usually keeps chatting all the time, even when I ask her to shut up. I didn’t break the silence because, for once, I really didn’t know what I could say, because I really didn’t dare to ask her how everything could have gone so far. When she was done, she kissed the tips of my fingers and looked at me with her big brown eyes full of love and admiration and… desire? She was feeling very uncomfortable too but there was something else, something like impatience, as if she was trying to keep something under control and suddenly I was the one unable to control myself. I kissed her, shyly, hesitantly, but when I saw she wasn’t pushing me away, my kiss became more urgent, more insistent. I wanted her. I wanted Rose Tyler, the little human so brave, the pink and yellow girl, the Bad Wolf, to be mine and since she wasn’t saying no, since she seemed to have given up on controlling herself, she just gave herself to me once again._

_That was the two only times something happened between the two of us. In the last few weeks that followed that second round, nothing else happened. We were just two friends and damn! I’d never think those words would hurt so much. I’ve always thought of Rose as my companion, my friend, my best friend, but everything changed the night after my almost regeneration and we never talked about it because she never brought the subject, because_ **/I/** _never brought it though it was eating me up inside. I couldn’t ask her how it could have happened when I had been so clear about never getting involved with any of my companions and maybe she was too afraid of me leaving her on Earth to say a word about that adventure so for a whole month, we kept traveling as if nothing had happened. Except there was some kind of embarrassment every time we held hands, every time we got too close to each other and to be fair, I hated that situation and I still hate it._

 _Today, I brought her on Barcelona like I promised her before I almost regenerated and we had fun like we hadn’t had in a while. It was just a simple adventure with no threat, no big bad alien – or human – something boring and incredibly flat but that was something we both needed after the Bad Wolf events, after the Satellite 5 emotions and I was glad to see that we could relax and just enjoyed a normal day. Rose_ **/absolutely/** _loved the dogs with no noses – incredible how this joke never gets old – and insisted for us to have one on board – she even used what she called the “puss-in-boots” look and I don’t have any bloody idea of what it actually was – but I had to turn down the wish, explaining her that the dogs couldn’t live outside their birth planet because of their very particular biologic system and it wouldn’t be long before the puppy passed away, which I didn’t want to happen. She gave me a look so sad I felt both my hearts breaking and almost bought a puppy, but I couldn’t do it._

_There has been a ‘hmph’ sound made and she ran away from me, leaving me totally surprised by the upset look on her face. She clearly understood my point so why did she react so… She looked like a child who just got punished, from who her favourite toy has been taken away, clearly not a behaviour she used to have with me. I ran after her in the whole town but she seemed to have disappeared and that made me really worried about her, alone on a planet she didn’t know anything of. I finally found her back locked up into her room in the TARDIS. I have to admit I had to break in because she didn’t want to let me in. There she was, laying on her stomach, the head buried in her pillows, crying like a human teenage girl would do over a lost boyfriend, and there I was sitting down next to her, holding her tight in my arms while she cried everything she had on her heart, never saying a word. Her sadness made me so heartbroken that as soon as she was asleep, I landed on Earth and bought an adorable puppy dog – a Golden Retriever, I believe, very strong race – and left him into her room for her to find when she’ll wake up._

_And now, I’m sat there, just outside the room, writing these lines no one will ever read, just waiting for her to wake up and find the puppy, just staying awake in case she needs me around. I’m still wondering what the hell has happened earlier. It’s not like Rose to overreact that way and that’s worrying me. There’s a lot of things who are so not like her lately or is the true Rose showing? That’s kind of confusing because I don’t know which one is the true one, and I really want the brave girl, the clever girl, to be the real Rose instead of that blonde teenage girl I saw earlier, but then again, I always seem to forget she’s only nineteen and that I put the weight of the universe on her shoulders since our very first meeting and I did that without even giving her a break, a break she deserves more than anything right now. I’m taking that into consideration, giving her a break. I might need one too._


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Something is definitely wrong with Rose and I can’t seem to be able to find out what it is but that’s really bothering me, and concerning me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor is not very happy with what's going on and can be lightly crude.

MONTH: 2.

 

02/13/07

 

_I’m going mad, definitely, irremediably, uncontrollably mad, and that’s a very awful situation, a situation I can’t seem to be able to escape from. I keep having flashbacks of Rose and me, of Rose under me, of my lips and hands on her body, of me inside of her, of our bodies moving together to the same pace. I keep hearing her moaning my name as I gave her feelings she’d never felt before, hearing her begging me to never let her go, begging me to make her mine. I still feel her soft and fragile skin under my hands, her lips against mine, her teeth gently nibbling my earlobe. And all of this is slowly, irreversibly, dangerously driving me crazy to the point I’m now craving for her so badly that I have to find excuses to have some alone time in order to relieve myself from the intense arousal those memories are giving me. I can’t hide it, especially not to Jackie who seemed to notice everything._

 

MONTH: 3.

 

03/16/07

 

_Something is definitely wrong with Rose and I can’t seem to be able to find out what it is but that’s really bothering me, and concerning me. She has mood swings, nothing really serious, except it’s really bothering because I don’t know where I stand with her, I don’t know what to say because I don’t want to trigger her into one of those fits of tears, even less into a fits of anger where everything I’m doing is wrong and where she can’t stop yelling at me for nothing, which is very, but very annoying, and makes me more uncomfortable than I would admit. I thought spending some time with her mother would help her – and I really did it for her because spending a whole month with Jackie was not resting at all for me, I sometimes had to run away from the Powell Estate, to take the TARDIS and fly away from that damn impolite woman for a few hours – but it seems like nothing has changed after that month. It even seems worse._

_Right now, she’s furious with me, like really furious. I had the whole screaming insults thing following by the whole throwing things and punches at me for what seemed like an eternity – and as a Time Lord I know what eternity feels like – before running away into her room and slamming the door shut while I stood totally dumbfounded in the console room, hands on my burning cheeks, her screams still resounding into my frozen brain. Oh, well, I deserved that round. I really did, but I’d never have thought she would go that far with her anger. Damn, she hit me so hard I thought she was breaking some of my bones. I never thought she had that strength into her but that’s not the worst of it all. There was something more about her, something I didn’t expect at all, something far more dangerous, something I thought I’d never see again: the Wolf._

_While she was unleashing all her rage against me, I clearly saw her eyes turning gold, I clearly saw the Wolf into her. It was howling into her soul, echoing her yells, taking over her without her noticing it… I was sure I had taken the whole Vortex out of her, but at that precise moment I knew I was wrong about it and it left me so astounded that I took a step back after her last punch, tripped and fell right on my back. The golden eyes faded right before she ran away into her room. I was still down, unable to move, unable to face the reality of what I saw into her eyes. The Wolf is back, and I’m afraid of what that means, because last time I saw it, Rose almost died to save me, and I almost regenerated into my tenth form just to stop her from burning up. The Wolf was just the expression of Rose’s wish to protect and save me… Is there something wrong with me? With her?_

_I won’t know it since she refuses to see me, or talk to me and yet, I really need to scan her, to see if the Wolf is still here for real or if I just had an hallucination which would really weird since I’m never sick or drunk enough to have one of those. I am convinced that the Wolf is still in her mind and I don’t get how it is still possible, nor why it would show up while she’s yelling at me for making an inappropriate observation about her weight, because yes, I’ve been stupid enough to ask her if she didn’t put on some weight. I’ve noticed that lately she was eating a lot more and a lot of strange things that just don’t fit together, and she’s also sleeping a lot, always saying that we’re running too much – too much! – and that it’s my fault – **my fault!** – if she’s so tired and sick because she must have caught some alien virus. Why would it have to be _**/my fault/** _if she’s like the_ **human** _she is? Damn it!_

_So, here I am, with a Rose Tyler in one hell of a state, arguing with me for every little things and crying right after, confusing me with her mood swings and behaviour, and whose body was arousing me more and more. The flashbacks never really left. And right now, I really, really want my hand on her swollen belly. I don’t mind her putting on some weight because her curves were literally driving me crazy and…_

 

The Doctor stopped writing when Rose came into his room without a warning. He put his pen down and closed the little black leather notebook he was writing in. He turned to her and noticed the stains of tears on her cheeks, her bloody eyes and her shattered look. He got up and walked to her but before he had the chance to wrap his arms around her – because she came for comfort, didn’t she? She wouldn’t apologise for something he shouldn’t have said, would she? – her hands gripped his leather jacket and her lips collide with his urgently. It didn’t take long before his surprise got replaced by the intense arousal he’d tried keeping down for weeks. She pushed him straight onto his bed, tearing off his clothes. He didn’t put up any resistance, didn’t try to take the lead of what was going to happen between the two of them. No words were spoken, but tonight, they both fulfilled their desires…


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I knew everything would be different after that but I haven’t imagined things to be so different."

MONTH: 4.

 

04/18/07

 

_Another month passed by, the things have gone weirder and weirder between Rose and me. I think we actually started dating the night she came to me after we had that terrible argument. I don’t exactly know how that has happened. Well, I do know how those things work, but I don’t know how this thing Rose and I have is working… I mean, we were friends – best friends to be exact – but that changed when we had sex the very first time. I knew everything would be different after that but I haven’t imagined things to be so different. I never thought Rose and I would become what those stupid humans call “friends with benefits” – since when am I a friend with benefits? When did I become the friend there for her to satisfy her arousals? When did I fall so in love with Rose Tyler that I’ve become a puppet on her strings, desperately needing her love and her touch?_

_I’ve become so addicted to the taste of her kisses, to the feeling of her skin under my hands that every time she comes a little bit too closer to me I lose all my control and she obviously knows it since she’s taking advantage of every single situation she has to drive me absolutely crazy. Whenever we have an argument, she just comes around me and brush my skin with her thin and soft fingers and I shiver like a teenage boy who’s discovering what love is, what_ **sex** _is. Once she even grabbed my cock while I was telling her to stop using me as her sex toy – to which she replied that I’ve never found it bothering before, that is really embarrassing that my love and desire for her are used by her in such a way – and she smirked when I grew really hard in her hand and she just… She just did a blow job on me and the man I am just let her do, moaning and begging her to never stop. May I be cursed!_

_I’m never able to have a talk with her because she always finds a way to avoid them, as if she knew something I didn’t. Oh, she knows what I want to talk about, what are the questions I want to ask her: why is she sleeping so much? Why is she so sick in the morning? Why is she eating like she’s always starving? I’m not a fool, I know something is not right and I know she knows what’s going on with her. She just doesn’t want to tell me and that’s driving me mad. Doesn’t she know that I notice everything about her? That I’ve seen her tummy growing day after day, that her clothes are now very tight around her body. Oh, only the idea of stroking that swollen belly makes me go hard, but that won’t bring me any answers. It’s not the belly you get by eating too much junk food for too long, it’s not excess weight. It’s… Something else. Something I’m too afraid to even think of. No, that can’t be that._

 

The Doctor had chosen to take Rose on a small planet called Karactak III, a planet where most of the inhabitants were partly phoenix. The Karactas were known for their abilities to create wonderful clothes as light as a piece of paper and yet comfortable and as warm as a fleece pyjama if it was cold, and as fresh as a breeze on a very hot day. This was where he always bought his clothes. Except for the leather jacket. Of course, he’d taken Rose there for a reason. Since she’d taken some weight and didn’t want to go back to London to do some shopping – but never explained the real reason why she didn’t want to go – she needed new clothes and that was the first planet he’d thought of to do so. Plus, the planet had a beautiful history, people were the nicest in the universe and their food was absolutely **_fantastic_**! Rose had immediately accepted the trip.

At first, she was really enthusiast about that. Just like every girl she loved shopping, and doing shopping with the Doctor was rare enough to be appreciated. So they had spent the whole morning going from one shop to another, buying clothes, laughing happily, bringing the bags back to the TARDIS every time they had too much of them. Rose had been smiling all along, dragging him with her into clothes shops. She had been so excited to find out about those “wonderful pieces of textile unique in the universe” – so unique her friend Shireen would be jealous of it. She even had managed to force him into buying some things for himself instead of spending all his money for her. She had even rolled her eyes when he only took jeans and jumpers, his everyday outfit, saying he was no fun at all, that he should try being more joyful, that it would change him for once.

Then, after they had put all the bags in the TARDIS he had taken her to a restaurant where they were cooking alligator. Considering Rose had some weird cravings like fish fingers with custard and other things that would make anyone else puking just to the thought of it, he had thought that eating something she never ate in her entire life would maybe please her. She hadn’t liked it that much and he had laughed at the face she’d made when she tasted it. He had ordered more traditional food, something she knew back on Earth and she had eaten it so greedily he wondered for how long she hadn’t eaten. Once again, seeing her eating that much had brought him back to his questions she never wanted to give an answer to. And since she was lightly mad at him for mocking her, she wouldn’t answer to any of his questions, even the dumbest.

That was around an hour after they had had their lunch that things started to go wrong. Rose wasn’t as excited as in the morning. The Doctor had thought it was because she was still sulking and kept teasing her gently, almost getting bitten in the process. She was crawling alongside him, her energy suddenly low, her face dull and drawn, and she was remaining incredibly silent as he was dragging her around the town. That sudden change of behaviour should have put all his signals on the alert but he had just thought it was just another mood swing, that she was just trying to show him how mad she was at him for laughing at her earlier. He was on his way to show her a shop where they did incredible jewels, planning on buying her some gift to make himself forgiven, when a sudden panic clutched his hearts. He turned back to look at Rose, his Rose who was looking so off and pale right now, his Rose who suddenly collapsed to the ground.

 

“Rose!” _He exclaimed, the panic rushing through his entire body now._

 

He took her in his arms and followed a few Karactas who came to help. The front door of a small house was opened and someone took away everything that was on a wooden table. The Doctor laid Rose down on it. Her face was twisted with pain and whimpers were escaping her lips. The Doctor was worried but he kept calm. He wouldn’t be of any use if he panicked. Plus, the Karactas had some exceptional medical skills. They would find what was going on with Rose. If not, he would take her back to the TARDIS and do it by himself. The TARDIS had a wonderful medical bay. It wasn’t that useful to him since his Time Lord metabolism was taking care of almost anything he could ever have, from a simple cold to a serious injury that didn’t require regeneration. He usually used it for his companions when he managed to forget that most of them were human.

He grabbed Rose’s hand as a Karacta was taking a close look at her. He was stroking at the back of her hand with his thumb while she was examined. The Karacta was doing everything so silently it was stressing the Doctor out. The people around them to watch weren’t helping. What was going on with Rose? Why was she in so much pain? Why was her body so tense? He needed answers. He frowned when he caught a glimpse of golden light running in the veins of her arm. No one seemed to have noticed it. He stayed focused, waiting for the light to appear again. It appeared again, in the veins of her neck. He followed it as it was traveling through her blood network. It all disappeared around her swollen belly. He frowned even more. He was starting to think that his suspicions were becoming true and he didn’t like that. He watched the Karacta taking a look at Rose’s eyes. Golden eyes. The Wolf was back.

 

“Bad Wolf!” _exclaimed the Karacta, stepping back in surprise._

 

The Doctor wondered what that meant. The words had followed them across time and space but no one had really met the Bad Wolf in person. Suddenly, the Karacta kneeled down. Everyone around him did the same. The Doctor looked at them, confused. The Bad Wolf was some kind of goddess but right now, it was Rose. Just Rose. And she was in pain.

 

“What’s going on?” _He asked_. “What does that mean to you?”

“There’s a prophecy on Karactak III. It says that the Wolf would come with the gift of live.”

 

The Doctor looked more and more confused. He placed his free hand on Rose’s swollen belly. _The gift of life_. That could only mean one thing. It was obviously… The trail of his thoughts broke when he felt his regenerative energy be drained by Rose’s body in a painful way. He fell to his knees, unable to take his hand off of her belly. He needed to gather a lot of strengths to finally break the drainage of his energy, leaving him gasping for air, his hearts beating a samba. The Karactas were still knelt down.

 

“What’s the rest of the prophecy?” _He questioned when he was able to speak again_.

“The Karactas have to keep the Wolf alive until the Lord makes his decision.”

“Which means?”

“Will you save the woman or the baby?” _Asked the Karacta who examined Rose, looking at the Doctor straight in the eyes._

 

_Rose Tyler is pregnant. With my child. I still can barely believe that it’s true. Oh, I should have seen it. Well, I actually_ **saw** _it, saw all the symptoms, and refused to believe it could be true because, how could a_ **human** _could be pregnant with a_ **Time Lord** _baby? This is unbelievable, and dangerous, very dangerous. A human body simply doesn’t have what a baby Time Lord needs. The humans can’t handle a Time Lord pregnancy at all simply because the baby will need more and more each week passing by and they can’t satisfy those needs because of their very inferior biologic system. Which means that the baby will take everything he can take from the mother. All the nutrients of the food, the minerals in the water, all the energy he can find in the body of the mother until there is nothing left of her. The process is terrible and painful, and it’s all my fault._

_I was so obsessed with my arousal, with my need of being in her, of making love to her that I didn’t realise the mistake I was doing, the mistake I’ve done. We never used protection because we were too busy relieving the sexual tension that always existed between the two of us and I should have known it would end that way if I wasn’t careful so the fault is all on me and I feel awfully guilty. I brought Rose back to the TARDIS after the Karactas told me everything about their legend. They prepared some remedy of their own, saying it would help her get through the next months – at least a little – and gave it to me before I left, but they insisted on the fact that when the day will come, I’d have a choice to make. My choice is already done. It’s Rose. It always will be Rose. But I’m so afraid of that day coming, of the fact human mothers never survived a Time Lord birth, of the fact that I could lose my Rose soon, because Time Lords pregnancies are always brought to completion._


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Tonight, I couldn’t just stay there, doing nothing while my Rose is decaying day after day. Especially not after what she asked me."

MONTH: 5.

 

05/24/07

 

_I don’t know what to do. I don’t really know what to do. It’s been a month. A full month has passed by and I still don’t know what to do to help my lovely Rose. Things are getting worse each day passing by and Rose is feeling weaker and weaker. I had to change all her diet, to get some special medicine ready and to equip her room with medical supplies to help her go through the remaining months of the pregnancy. At first, I was sleeping in my own room, worrying myself sick while Levi, our Golden Retriever, was watching over her, but I couldn’t bear the idea of being away from her for a whole night so I found my way back to her room. I don’t need much sleep so I was spending my time watching over her with Levi but Rose hated seeing me spend the nights, and most of our days – we’re not traveling much anymore since I don’t want to take any risks, there is already enough of them – sitting there on the ground and asked me – **ordered me** – to get on the bed and to always hold her in my arms while she sleeps._

_Tonight, I couldn’t just stay there, doing nothing while my Rose is decaying day after day. Especially not after what she asked me. The pain of her asking me such a thing was still clutching my hearts by the time I am writing those lines and I can’t get rid of that pain, of that idea, of her beautiful teary eyes begging me to do what she is asking me, but I can’t! I just can’t do what she is asking me to do! This is impossible, she can’t ask me to do that. Not after everything we’ve lived together. I have a choice to do though. I know the choice I want to make, and I know that it’s the right choice to make because I wouldn’t be able to live with the other choice, but Rose would hate on me all the rest of her life if I do that choice because she expressly just asked me to choose our baby’s life over hers when I told her that one of them would not survive the end of the pregnancy._

_Writing those words made them even more real. I can still hear her asking me to save the baby’s life over hers. I still can hear the begging in her voice._ “Please, Doctor. Promise me. When the moment will come, choose our baby’s life. Don’t choose me. We both know how our story will end. I’ll die, and you’ll be alone again.” _This is something she is terrified of, me being alone again. She doesn’t want me to go back to the days before I met her, to those dark days when I was drowning in darkness and guilt and self-hatred, to those dark days where all I wanted was dying. She pulled me out all of this and showed me that it was okay to live, to laugh. She showed me that I was forgivable because I’ve done the right choice to save the universes, and beautiful and loveable. Rose Tyler loves me. She loves the broken man I am, and she has kept it all bottled up inside her until that day I almost died and regenerated._

_The truth is, I love her too. I never said it, but I did show it to her every time we made love to each other. I love her with every piece of my being, and losing her would destroy me. I would be devastated and no one would ever be able to fix me or to fill the hole in my hearts she would leave by dying. The thing is, I know that she’s gonna die at some point. She’s human, she can’t live as long as a Time Lord, but I don’t want it to happen so soon, not when I’m still vulnerable, not when I need her so much in my life. She’s light of my darkness, the hope in my hearts and her smile is enlightening my whole world. I can’t lose her, but she’s playing on the string of my feelings._ “That baby is a part of me too, Doctor. I’ll survive in him or her.” _We don’t know yet what the gender of the baby is. We want it to stay a secret for now._

“That baby is already more like you than me. He or she is gonna be a wonderful Time Lord, a companion who will never die, a companion who will fill the hole in your mind.” _She was right. The baby was already more Time Lord than human, and that is why she is so weak right now. Her hand on my cheek was so cold earlier, and I was doing my best to warm her, tucking the blankets around her and turning up the heating. She was so tired, because the baby is taking her everything she has, and all the medication I’m preparing to help her get some strength seems useless._ “Our child is gonna be with you forever, and I’m gonna love you through him, through her. So, promise me, Doctor. Promise me that you will choose our child’s life over me. Please.” _My hearts broke, and I remained silent until she fell asleep in my arms. I couldn’t make that promise. I can’t love a child who would be responsible for her death._

_So, after she fell asleep, I got up, making sure she was warm enough, and went to the library, where I’m writing those lines, to find another cure, to find an answer, to find a way to save Rose even if the odds aren’t in her favour; in our favour. I can’t let her die, this is too much for me. I can’t let it happen. There must be a way. There must be…_

 

The Doctor stopped writing and jumped out of his seat running to a shelf in the back of the library. He looked through all the books and finally picked up the one he was looking for. He had noticed it some time ago, but hadn’t had any use of it until now. _Children of Time_. He had skimmed it a few weeks earlier, and a chapter had drawn his attention but he wasn’t in the situation he was now so the chapter had no interesting information back then but now, it had them. He opened the book, found the chapter – “Howl of the Wolf”, the author obviously had some humour – and read it quickly. Of course. The answer had been there all along, and he had forgotten about it. He had seen the Wolf in Rose. He thought he had removed it all, but it was still there. Her golden eyes when she was lashing out on him was the proof of it. He just hoped that the baby hadn’t taken all that energy. If he had, it was over for Rose. The choice would be quickly made.

He closed the book and ran to the infirmary. He picked up a blood test kit and ran back to Rose’s room. Levi raised her head when she heard the door but fell back asleep when she realised that it was the Doctor. He put the book down and gently took Rose’s arm. She rolled on her back, lightly moaning at his sudden entrance. Her eyes fluttered open.

 

“Doctor?” _She asked, her voice raspy._

“Sorry to wake you up. I have to do a blood test.”

“Again?”

“I found something. There’s a possible cure that would help you feel better.”

“Doctor.”

“I’ll do everything I can to save you, Rose. I’m not letting you die because of a mistake I’ve done.”

 

Rose sighed softly and swallowed. Of course he would think of the baby as a mistake, and not as a gift. A gift of life, of hope. The Doctor switched on the light and tied a rubber band around her arm. Rose caught his hands while he was looking for a vein. He didn’t look at her though. Her hands were still cold.

 

“Look at me, Doctor.”

 

He didn’t. He couldn’t. He had an idea of what she was gonna tell him, and he didn’t want to hear it. He didn’t want to hear her asking him once again to promise her to choose their baby’s life. He shook his head lightly, saying that he really had to do that blood test. She insisted, but he still refused.

 

“Doctor! Look at me!”

 

He had gotten her angry and Levi growled lightly at him for doing so. The dog was very protective of Rose. She would defend her even against him. The Doctor finally looked at her and got surprised at the weak golden glow in her eyes. It always appeared when she was getting angry, but it was weaker and weaker every time. The baby was taking the energy, but the Wolf was still there. It meant there was a chance that this would work.

 

“This is the last exam, Doctor. I don’t want them anymore.”

“But…”

“If that one isn’t conclusive, if that cure doesn’t work, stop it all.”

“Rose…”

“I’m serious, Doctor. No more tests, no more cures. If that one doesn’t work, it’s over.”

“It will work.”

 

He was convinced of it. It would work. The Wolf was still here. He just had to take a sample of her blood and gather some ingredients to create that new cure. So, he took that blood sample and brought it to the lab. Rose fell back asleep as soon as he was done. While the spectrometer was analysing the blood, the Doctor wrote down all the ingredients he needed for that new cure and drove the TARDIS through time and space to gather them all. The last thing he needed was a few ashes from Transcendo. There, the inhabitants were all salamanders. A special alien type of salamanders. As tall and big as a bouncer in a human night club, they were particularly hostile and were living on a planet full of active volcanos. No one but them were able to live on that planet. The air was unbreathable for any other species but them.

Going there was a real risk, and not only because the planet was hostile. The Salamanders hated strangers and were attacking them on sight. They were secreting a very dangerous venom that could cause nausea, vomiting, muscles contraction, a large production of saliva, breathing troubles, burns and, if not treated in time, death. Even for a Time Lord. The Doctor had an antidote against their venom, but it was better if he didn’t get caught. The TARDIS landed softly and the Doctor rummaged through a box. He finally found what he was looking for. He took off his leather jacket and pulled on an orange suit. His space suit would be perfect for that mission. He put the helmet on and left the TARDIS quickly, making sure the door was closed. He walked for miles and didn’t meet anyone. He picked the ashes he needed and put them in a small bottle. He put a cap on it and put the bottle in his pocket before heading back to the TARDIS.

A strong feeling of distress was suddenly clutching his hearts and mind and he hurried up. Rose was in trouble. He knew it. He could feel it. On the last few metres, he was running. He soon reached the TARDIS and what he saw there made him freeze immediately and his hearts stopped. Rose was outside the TARDIS and she couldn’t breathe. Her face was becoming blue. The Doctor wanted to tell her to go back into the TARDIS, to go back into the external shield that would give her the oxygen she needed so badly, but he couldn’t. A huge Salamander was keeping her captive. He was holding her tight and one of his paws was clenching her throat, his claws lightly scratching her skin.

 

“Please.” _He heard himself saying._ “I just came here to help her. I’m leaving right now. You’ll be in peace, I’ll never come back ever again.”

 

If the claws pierced the skin, the venom would get into Rose’s blood system. The baby would be able to fight it until the Doctor gave them the antidote, but he wasn’t sure that Rose could take that antidote in her condition. She was already so weak, so vulnerable. The venom would kill her in no time.

 

“I’m sorry.” _She murmured, her voice muffled because the paw strangling her._ “I heard a knock on the door and you weren’t there.”

 

He had to bring her back into the TARDIS quickly. She was struggling against the lack of oxygen and her body was trembling. She would soon let go if he didn’t manage to bring her back to the TARDIS. The Salamander suddenly threw her away and ran to him, attacking him directly, but the Doctor’s eyes couldn’t leave Rose. He had no time to waste. He ran into the Salamander and knocked him out as fast as he could. Then, he ran to Rose and dragged her back inside the TARDIS. He pressed a button on the console, sending them back into the Vortex. He carried her to the infirmary, put her under oxygen and ran a few tests, taking off his helmet. She hadn’t been poisoned and both her and the baby were fine. He sighed in relief and realised that something was wrong. He looked down at his chest and noticed the large wound. He had been scratched. His space suit and clothes had been ripped up and his chest was bleeding. He hadn’t noticed it in the adrenalin of the moment, but now the symptoms were showing. He looked at Rose, fear written all over his face, and passed out.

 

_That’s Rose who saved my life in the end. She has heard me fall and forced herself awake. When she saw me laying on the ground with that big scratch on my chest, she thought I was dead, and the fact that my muscles were all contracted, making it almost impossible to breathe, that I was bleeding and drooling like a baby wasn’t helping. Thankfully, the TARDIS told her what to do. Our parts were reversed. She was the one taking care of me. She gave me the antidote – she found it quickly thanks to the TARDIS – cleaned my wound and bandaged it. I don’t know how but she found a way to carry me back to her room and to tuck me into her bed. Poor girl. She was devastated when I opened my eyes. She has been crying for hours and begging me to wake up but she got no answer from me until then. My first reflex was to apologise. Her first reflex was to hug me so tight she almost strangled me._

_I didn’t move from her bed. My body is still a bit stiff because of the venom, and it is hard to hold that pen. The effects will wear off in the next few hours. Rose has no idea what I’m writing down in here, she just found the small leather notebook in the library. She often saw me writing down into it and brought it to me. Then, she snuggled back into bed and fell into a deep sleep, one of her hand over her belly, the other one holding my arm tight enough for me not to go anywhere, but I don’t plan on being anywhere but here with her._

 

The Doctor stopped writing and put the pen and the notebook aside. He laid down in bed and wrapped his arms around Rose. He wouldn’t sleep but he loved the feeling of her sleeping next to him. He loved hearing her regular breath, watching her chest going up and down to the rhythm of her breath, feeling her so close to him. He slipped a hand on her belly and intertwined his fingers with hers. He was highly surprised to feel the baby moving under their hands, even more surprised when he felt him – or her! – sneaking into his mind and filling the huge painful silent hole with love. This made the Doctor break down, because if the cure didn’t work, he would still have a choice to make, and how would he be able to choose between Rose and their children? How would he be able to kill a little being that was already showing him so much love?


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Usually, we find a comprise: cuddling into the library’s couch, watching lots of stupid movies and shows, but I don’t complain: I love having her body cuddled into mine, I love tucking the blanket around her and tucking her hair back behind her ears when she falls asleep."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year you all!

MONTH: 6.

 

06/13/07

 

_The treatment is working. I have to say that there was a lot of doubts about it, not only me, but Rose too. She didn’t want to take it at first. She only wanted to keep taking the Karacta’s cure which is working pretty good, giving her some strengths to leave the bed and walk around the TARDIS. I don’t like her moving too much, but she’s really stubborn – this is what I liked the most about her at first, but now it’s just making me go crazy – and likes walking around in the TARDIS. She hates staying in bed, I know that, but I can’t help myself but find all the possible excuses to make her go back there so she wouldn’t wear herself out. Usually, we find a comprise: cuddling into the library’s couch, watching lots of stupid movies and shows, but I don’t complain: I love having her body cuddled into mine, I love tucking the blanket around her and tucking her hair back behind her ears when she falls asleep._

_Well, I finally convinced her to take the cure and thanks to the reduced presence of the Wolf in her, it works perfectly and I am so relieved to see the colours coming back to Rose, to see her getting some strengths back, to see her smiling with that so special smile I love so much on her face. The baby is fine too. Thanks to the medication and the diet I’m giving Rose, he/she is growing strong without killing his/her mother. At least, not so fast anymore. I’m travelling here and there to be sure she will have everything she needs, but she never gets out of the TARDIS. I don’t allow her to and she surprisingly accepts that condition. I think she just wants the baby to be safe, but I already told her that a baby Time Lord is protecting itself in his bubble in her belly. I guess this is what humans and so many other species call ‘maternal instinct’. I don’t understand it pretty well._

_Speaking of ‘maternal stuff’, there is something we have to do, someone we have to see. Not that I particularly want to see that person, but Rose and I have been gone for four months. Jackie Tyler already hates me for taking away her little girl, for throwing her into a life of doubts and dangers… She will hate me more when she will find out that her daughter is pregnant with my child. No way we could hide this from her. Even if Rose was wearing very large clothes, Jackie would find out the moment she would hug her. It is better not to hide it from her, but Rose isn’t really happy about telling her mom. We argued – it hasn’t happened in a while – about this. She said that she wanted to wait after the birth – she’s so confident that they both will survive, but there’s still that doubt, that damn awful doubt that is tearing my hearts apart and telling me that I will lose one of them anytime soon._

_Rose has finally accepted to go and see her mother; but she’s refusing to tell her that she’s pregnant. If I want her to know, I’ll have to tell her, she said. She wants me to sign my own death warrant, because Jackie will have kicked me out of her small flat long before the words leaves my mouth. She already threw me out once when she found Rose sleeping in my arms. We weren’t even together back then. Now it is more or less official. She’s gonna destroy me for sure. I’ve never thought that a single human, a single tiny human, would scare me so much. And yet, Jackie Tyler is a frightening woman with a strong character – Rose has inherited it from her for sure – and she is ready to everything to protect her little girl. No alien, as important as he/she could be in the organisation of the universe, is safe when it comes to Rose. I’m putting myself into danger, but she has to know. It’s her right._

_Maybe she’ll help me to convince Rose that her life is much more important than she is thinking, but I can’t wish for the child’s death either. This is… After all the lives I’ve taken, this little being is a gift to me. It is the proof that I can give life too, that I’m not only a killer. And that part of him that is able to send me so much love and comfort and compassion is coming from Rose. That baby is already a mix of both of us. Of course, Rose has noticed the slight change in my behaviour, noticed that I don’t know what to do anymore, but she doesn’t know what made me so doubtful. She doesn’t know that I’m intertwining our fingers over her belly every night and watching over her while she’s sleeping. And the baby is using that contact to communicate with me in his very own way, with just emotions and feelings only I can feel because of the telepathic bond._

_I still don’t know what to do about that pregnancy, about how to save both Rose and the baby, but I do know what to do right now: going out of my box and tell Jackie Tyler that her daughter is pregnant with my child, and that there are big risks. I’m preparing myself to face her anger, to feel her fist connect itself to my jaw, because I’m not gonna come back to my TARDIS unharmed. I know it for sure. She’s gonna destroy me._

 

Jackie Tyler was waiting for the Doctor in Rose’s former room as the TARDIS was slowly materialising in a corner. Her arms were folded over her chest and she was quickly tapping the ground with her foot. The frown on her face was clear: she was mad. She was already mad at the Doctor the last time she had seen him but she was even more furious now that he had disappeared with her daughter for four months and never given any sign of life. The box was fully materialised now, and the door would be opened in a few seconds. She didn’t move. She just waited. The door was opened, but instead of the Doctor, it was a ball of fur that jumped on her and barked happily. Jackie couldn’t help but smile. She kneeled down and petted the dog, but if the Doctor thought that sending Levi first would prevent him from getting yelled at, he was wrong.

 

“Hey there, little girl. Someone has grown up in four months.”

 

The puppy was utterly happy to see her again, and kept waging her tail and licking Jackie’s face. The Doctor came out of the TARDIS, alone, ready to get yelled at. He sighed when he saw that Levi was out of the TARDIS. He had wanted her to stay around Rose, to keep an eye on her. He obviously still had a lot of education to do, but he couldn’t blame the dog. Even if the TARDIS was infinite, the dog still needed some fresh air, some new faces to meet, some old faces to see again. He sighed and faced Jackie. She stopped petting the dog to face him. She knew the second she looked at him that he had something to say, something that she wouldn’t like. She looked around him, but she saw no sign of Rose. She froze a moment, thinking the Doctor wanted to tell her that something had gone wrong, that her little girl had been badly hurt, that he had failed protecting her.

 

“Where’s Rose?” _she snapped at him_.

“In her room. She’s coming.”

 

Jackie noticed that his Northern accent was more pronounced, and that was the sign of his anxiety. Whatever he had to say, he knew he was gonna have to face her anger. The sparks weren’t in his eyes anymore, and he wasn’t even smiling, wasn’t even joking, and this felt _wrong_.

 

“What happened?”

“Rose and I are together.”

 

The words had burst out of his mouth so quickly he hadn’t even had the time to think about saying them. Jackie was surprised, not by his words – she had known something was happening between the two of them when they had come four months ago – but by his attitude. As if he was saying that to distract her mind until he said the real thing. So, she just waited for that real thing to come.

 

“And we… Well, err…” _He muttered, scratching the back of his head._

“Wait, are you saying that you’ve slept with my daughter?”

“Yes.”

 

The first slap came before he could do anything to avoid it. He had expected it to come, but that one was more violent than the first slap Jackie had ever given him. He placed his hand on his cheek which was now warm and painful. Jackie pointed an accusing finger on him, forcing him to step back, and his back hit the blue box. He was stuck between his TARDIS and Jackie Tyler.

 

“You, stupid oblivious alien! She’s only twenty! Well, maybe more since you keep messing with her timeline but still! She’s still a little girl! You never said how old you are, but you’re certainly too old for her! What’s going on in that mind, heh? You keep saying you’re smarter than a human but you’re no better than any man on this planet! You, old pervert!”

 

The Doctor felt insulted but never said a word, letting Jackie lash out on him. He knew this was gonna happen. He had prepared himself for this, but Jackie Tyler didn’t know the worst part of it all yet. He tried to tell her that he would never have touched Rose, that he had too much respect for her to ruin everything with sex but he couldn’t end his sentence. The second slap crossed his face, leaving a red handprint on his other cheek.

 

“My daughter would never have done such a thing. You’re the perverted one, saying you’re a doctor!”

“He’s right though.”

 

The TARDIS’ door was opened once again and both the Doctor and Jackie turned their heads to watch Rose coming out. She still looked exhausted and there were dark rings under her eyes even though she was sleeping over eight hours every night. She had a sickly look, which was normal since she had some rough months lately, but she had hidden her swollen belly under a huge hoodie she most likely had stolen in the TARDIS wardrobe. It was a messy look and the Doctor felt really attracted by her. He felt the arousal growing into his pants but tried to keep it under control. Now wasn’t the time.

 

“Hi mom,” _weakly said Rose, lightly waving at Jackie._

 

Jackie looked back at the Doctor, her eyes full of anger, and she pressed her finger deep on his chest. She was really mad at him, but the only thing he was guilty of was something she didn’t know yet. And when she would… Well, he was ready to get punched. When she spoke again, her voice was low and threatening. She was detaching each word to make sure he would understand.

 

“What have you done to her?”

“Nothing,” _Rose and him answered at the same time._

“I don’t believe you.”

“That’s true, mum,” _Rose tried to reassure her._ “That was my fault. He did nothing. He tried to stop me, but I forced him to.”

 

Jackie’s eyes went from the Doctor to Rose, trying to figure out who was saying the truth. Rose was honest, Jackie could see it in her so tired eyes. She let go of the Doctor who didn’t move. He looked at Rose and gave her a look saying he hadn’t told her yet. Rose shrugged and accepted the hug her mother was giving her. Her eyes grew big when she realised what the Doctor had been trying to tell her. A punch followed that realisation. The Doctor didn’t see it coming and didn’t have the time to try to protect himself from it. The fist hit him right under the chin, his teeth knocked together, the back of his head hit the TARDIS with a loud bang and the Doctor slipped to the ground, totally stunned. Levi immediately came to him to lick his face.

 

“Mum!” _protested Rose._

“You’re pregnant!”

“Yes.”

“With his child!”

“Yes.”

“Are you realising what it means?”

“That I love the Doctor enough to give him children.”

 

Rose was stubborn and she was firm. For her, it wasn’t a big deal to be pregnant with the Doctor’s child, because she was in love with him, because it was a part of her and of the Doctor, because he wouldn’t be alone when she would leave for another world. She didn’t care about dying to give birth to that baby.

 

“That he loves me enough to take care of everything, to make sure I’m fine.”

“You don’t look fine.”

“I had a few rough months, but I’m all better now. He made sure of it. He _is_ making sure of it.”

 

Rose helped the Doctor to get up and lightly rubbed his head. She kissed it and sent him into the kitchen to get some ice to numb the pain. He nodded, still too stunned to argue, and stumbled to the kitchen of the small flat without a word while Rose kept talking with her mother to make her accept that she was with the Doctor, and that she wanted that child with him, but she never told her what were the risks of the pregnancy. The cure was working and maybe, just maybe, there was a chance that they would both survive. But it wasn’t a 100% certitude. The Doctor opened the freezer and found a block of ice. He slumped on a chair and pressed the block of ice on his painful head. He listened to the talk into the room. Jackie was angry, she didn’t understand, but Rose was trying to tell her how happy she was to be pregnant with his child, that it was the most beautiful thing she could have dreamed of in twenty years of life.

Jackie was trying to make her understand that she was doing a mistake, that she still had time to think about it later, when she would be a bit older, and wiser. He could hear Rose crying but knew it wouldn’t be a good idea to show up in the middle of their argument. Whatever the conclusion of this fight would be, it didn’t change much. Rose was six months pregnant. They couldn’t stop the pregnancy. The Doctor and Jackie didn’t like that fact, but they had to accept it, because that’s how it was. A feeling of dread clutched his hearts suddenly, so suddenly, and he hated it because it had already happened last month and he knew what it meant. He knew that Rose was in danger, right now, and it was frightening him because the loud noise that followed confirmed his feeling of dread. And he didn’t get better when he heard Jackie’s yell asking him to come over immediately.

 

_I was in the room before Jackie could even finish pronouncing my name. Rose had collapsed to the ground, too weak to stand for too long on her feet. She was already tired when she has come out of the TARDIS, but it didn’t worry more than usual, because she was always more or less tired. It’s because of the hormones, of the baby growing, and of all the health troubles. Her body is changing, trying to adapt itself to the life growing inside her belly and requiring so many things from her, things she can’t even give. Jackie was leaned over Rose, trying to understand what has just happened and Levi was whimpering worriedly. I picked up Rose and laid her down on her former bed – it is less comfy than the one she has in the TARDIS but it was perfect for the moment. I quickly scanned her with my sonic. My face went pale, my hearts stopped beating and I stopped breathing when I read the results._

_The Wolf is gone, definitively gone. The baby has consumed all the residual energy of the entity because it was the only thing that was able to help with the growth of his/her Time Lord side, and now Rose is left defenceless. The cure I made isn’t working anymore. The Karacta’s cure is still working and it will help her to go through the three remaining months of the pregnancy. Jackie almost killed me when I told her about the huge complications this pregnancy is causing, but Levi stood between us and protected me this time. I deserve her anger, I deserve her slaps, because I should have stopped Rose. I have been weak on that point, because I love that woman so deeply it hurts. However, her anger and my guilt aren’t leading us anywhere. Except in Rose’s room where I put her back under medication, but the problem is back to his original state: who am I gonna save? Rose, the woman who shows me every day that life is worth living, that I’m worth something? The woman I love more than anything else in the universe? Or the baby who already loves me as deeply and strongly as I love Rose?_


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Of course, after Rose fainted in her room, Jackie has insisting on staying around until the end of the pregnancy and she warned me: no more traveling. I can’t even disappear for even a minute."

MONTH: 7.

 

07/17/07

 

_The situation can’t be any more critical than it is right now. Both Rose and I thought she could have gone through that pregnancy without any other major incident but we are both wrong. I have thought that the Wolf would stay into her a bit longer, that it would be enough until the day Rose would have to give birth, but I had overestimated the power that has been left into Rose, and I really hate myself for this. She was left defenceless and only has her weak human body to face the growth of a half alien, half human baby. Which is clearly not enough. And everyone can see it now. There’s no way to hide it anymore. Rose has felt pretty good for a few days after the Wolf was gone. She could still walk around a bit, and the baby seemed to be pretty quiet, leaving its mummy in peace. But it didn’t last. One morning, she felt so weak she couldn’t even get up from bed._

_Of course, after Rose fainted in her room, Jackie has insisting on staying around until the end of the pregnancy and she warned me: no more traveling. I can’t even disappear for even a minute. She’s in the TARDIS almost all the time and barely leaves Rose’s room except for taking a shower and eating a bit. She sleeps with Rose in her bed and glares at me if I have the idea of slipping into bed or to even touch Rose. I can only get near Rose when I have to give her medication to her or when I have an exam to do. Jackie takes care of Rose for all the rest like the food, and drinks, and rubs… She holds me responsible for all of this and doesn’t want to see me more than necessary. She keeps me away from Rose, from her room and even if I’m allowed to go anywhere else in the TARDIS, I feel like I’m stuck into a tiny room which is too far from Rose and that’s driving me mad._

_Another thing that’s making me absolutely crazy is the fact that Jackie is insisting on knowing the gender of the baby when Rose and I still don’t know it. Rose haven’t told me that she wants to know about the gender. She hasn’t said she wanted to wait either. But it doesn’t matter in any way. Until she tells me that she wants it, I won’t look at the baby’s gender, even if, as the only doctor on board, I’m the one taking care of the ultrasounds. Even if I see it, I won’t say anything. No matter how hard Jackie will insist on knowing. It isn’t her decision. It’s Rose’s. And maybe mine too since I’m the father. Who would have thought about it? Me becoming a father again. I’ve never thought that it would happen to me again, and to be honest, I don’t feel ready at all to have a little one on board, even if that child is a part of the woman I love deeply._

_And hear me talk like the future daddy I’m supposed to be. I guess Rose’s optimism is getting to me, tough everything seems to go wrong for her right now. She stays in bed all the time and barely moves or talks, which is very unusual of that very chatty woman. I don’t think Jackie’s overprotecting presence is good for her, but who am I to judge a mother who’s just worried about her only daughter? And who am I to decide who’s gonna live or who’s gonna die? The day when ‘everybody lived’ is so far away now, and it is either Rose’s life or our child’s life that I have to sacrifice. I know her choice, I know my choice and when I talked to Jackie about it, she begged me to save Rose over the child. That’s understandable. Her only child. Barely twenty. There’s still a lot of things she has to live before the end of her life. She should have a longer life, but the baby do have a life to live too._

_So, today, I have to do the ultrasound of the seventh month, and that one is making me anxious. The baby is almost fully formed now. I don’t need an ultrasound to know it. In the rare moments when I’m able to touch Rose, it almost always tries to communicate with me and I can see its growth and its thoughts. It’s not very clear but it’s enough for me to see, to understand, to love that child. I’m almost sure of the gender thanks to those small stolen moments of communication and only the ultrasound will be able to confirm my guess, but once again, it’s up to Rose to decide if she wants to know or not. And I’m pretty sure that Jackie has bothered Rose and convinced her to ask for the baby’s gender. I won’t tell anything unless I know that it’s her decision, and not Jackie’s. I don’t want to fulfil any of Jackie’s wishes, not when she’s treating me so badly. She’s playing with my nerves, with my limits, and I’m trying my best not to snap back at her because I don’t want her to take Rose away from me. Rose_ **needs** _me and I need her. It never has been so true until now._

 

The Doctor hadn’t expected to find Jackie pacing in the corridor in front of Rose’s room. She looked particularly angry and the Doctor didn’t know if it was because of something he had done – or not done. He’d rather not know at this point. Jackie was already making her life a hell and he needed a small break from her fury, but it was too late to go back now. Plus, he had to run that exam on Rose. Well, it wasn’t exactly an important exam, just a check-up to see how far the baby was in his growth, if everything was going fine for it. Just a way to reassure Rose about their baby, while she was struggling to hold on long enough to give birth. She was glad to see how his mind was changing about the baby, even if he kept refusing to give her an answer on the why. Maybe he could tell her today. Maybe he could show her. If they kept Jackie out of the room long enough.

 

“You did this,” Jackie immediately attacked him, pointing a finger on his chest. “That is all your fault.”

“What are you talking about exactly?”

 

He was keeping his voice polite and calm. No need to snap back and make things worse. He thought that she was gonna repeat over and over again that it was his fault if Rose was pregnant, if she was dying because of that baby of his. Of course, she wanted to be a grand-mother, but not now. It was far too early to her taste, and she certainly didn’t want a half-alien baby in the Tyler family. How was she gonna explain all of this to the neighbours? To their friends? No way she could tell them, and no way the baby could be a normal one even with a half human genetic heritage. There would be things, abilities that definitely wouldn’t be human.

 

“You tricked her mind! You made her go against me!”

“And when would I have had the time to do such a thing?”

“You’ve spent your time disappearing with her and not giving any news. I should have known you would be a bad influence on her.”

“I did nothing else but show her the wonders of the universe. I’m not the best of men, I give that to you, but I would never make her go against her own family, not when she needs it the most.”

“She threw me outside her room.”

“Did she?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Don’t you dare joking with me, alien boy!”

“I’m not.”

 

He bit his tongue not to ask the ‘what have you done again’ question that was burning his lips, but Jackie could see it in his eyes. She didn’t slap him, or punch him. She didn’t snap at him again. She just glared at him, her arms folded over her chest. More than angry, she was hurt. He wouldn’t know the final word of that story. Not yet.

 

“I know you’ve got the ultrasound to do today. Can you… Can you talk to her?”

“What am I supposed to say?”

“I don’t know. You’re the only one who can bring some senses into her.”

The Doctor snorted, “Oh, believe me I’ve tried.”

“Then, try again!”

 

The Doctor nodded just to get rid of her but he knew that it was useless. Whatever the argument was, he knew he wouldn’t have the last word on it. Rose had it, and she wouldn’t allow anyone else to have it. That’s just how she was and the hormone disorder caused by the pregnancy was making that part of her worse. He knew it, because he had faced it so many times before. He walked past Jackie without a word and entered Rose’s room. Nothing had changed since the last time he came. It was a mess of medical stuff combined with Rose’s stuff and it was kinda sad for him to see what he had never wished to see: Rose decaying and him trying so hard to save her.

He kneeled down close to her bed and cupped her cheek with his hand. She was cold again, but so was he. It was a normal thing to him, and he wondered if the baby wasn’t forcing Rose’s body to adjust to its Time Lord nature. She didn’t seem to suffer from her temperature lowering though. She opened her eyes slowly and a small smile appeared on her dry lips. She was happy to see him again. She hadn’t had the chance to see him much lately, because Jackie was keeping him away.

 

“Hey there,” he murmured to her, softly kissing her forehead.

“Hey,” she replied weakly to him. “Long time no see.”

“Trying my best to come around, but you know how’s your mom.”

“Yeah.”

 

Her whisper and her eyes betrayed the anger she had against her mother right now. An anger the Doctor knew wouldn’t last. It couldn’t last. Rose just needed time to calm herself down, to forget about the argument. A pointless argument he was sure of it. Or Jackie had tried again to make her change her mind about her decision. She wouldn’t. No one would. Rose wanted that baby, even if that was killing her. The Doctor couldn’t make her change her mind, Jackie couldn’t either. That baby was gonna live, whatever they would say. They just had to find a way to save Rose too.

 

“She just wants you safe.”

“She wants my baby dead.”

 

She slipped her hands on her belly and another smile crossed her face when the baby kicked. The Doctor put in his free hand on hers. He felt the now familiar bond running through his mind. The baby was happy to see him again too. The Doctor could feel it.

 

“Our baby is gonna live.”

“What made you change your mind?”

 

That was a question she had been burning to ask him, but never dared to, and since her mother wasn’t allowing him in the room except for the medical stuff, she hadn’t been able to talk much to him over the last month that had passed by. She was glad to have him back by her side. Jackie had been stifling her and Rose had gotten sick of it. She wanted her Doctor, she wanted the father of her child. So, she had thrown Jackie outside before the moment he would come so it would just be the two of them.

 

“I can show you. You’ll understand better.”

“Do it, then.”

“Alright. Close your eyes.”

 

She did as she was told. The Doctor moved one of her hands and gently pressed her fingers against his temple. His other hand never moved from her belly. He just intertwined their fingers. He helped Rose to open her mind so she could get receptive to the telepathic bond he was sharing with the baby. It was easier than he had thought and soon the baby could communicate with its mother through the Doctor. It filled her mind with so much love and comfort that tears fell down on Rose’s cheeks. It was so beautiful and so warm and it made her love that child even more.

 

“You’ve been communicating together when I was sleeping,” she murmured slowly, enjoying her small contact with their child.

“It surprised me the first time, but then, I put my hand on your belly every night because it felt so good to be able to communicate that little being. I’ve never felt so much love before. No one, except you, ever show me so much love before and, little by little, we’ve built a bond.”

“Oh, Doctor, this is _fantastic_.”

“That doesn’t help with the choice I have to make though.”

 

He slowly broke the bond and put her hand back on her belly. He avoided her look, knowing what she was gonna say to him. She wanted him to let her die, but he couldn’t do that. He just couldn’t.

 

“I don’t want to die. I don’t want our baby to die. I don’t want you to make another choice that will break you, that will shatter your soul. And you don’t have to make that choice.”

“That’s what the prophecy is saying.”

“Since when,” she started, taking his hand in hers, “does my Doctor listen to those bullshits? We’ve survived the Bad Wolf. You can save us, the baby and I. I can feel it, deep down. You’ll find something. You’ll save me, you’ll save our baby. You’ll find something, Doctor. You’re not gonna let anyone die, you’re not gonna have to make any bloody choice.”

 

The Doctor first fought that she was babbling deliriously but he soon realised that she was perfectly coherent. No sign of fever or delirium in her eyes. It was just her faith in him. She trusted him with her life when he had proven her so many times that he wasn’t trustworthy on that point. She might be blinded by her feelings for him, but that didn’t change much. She trusted him, and he had to be worth that trust. He had to save them both.

 

“What the hell are you doing?”

 

They both raised their heads. Jackie had found her way back into the room since none of them was coming out or asking her to come over. At first, the Doctor thought she was talking about the fact he hadn’t done the ultrasound yet but then, he followed her look. She was staring at his hand on Rose’s belly, his hand that was glowing with a golden light. The baby couldn’t have that energy through Rose so it was taking it from his father and the Doctor hadn’t even felt it. He smiled at Rose.

 

“Looks like our baby is giving us the answer to our problems.”

 

_I think that no one understood what I meant when I said so, but that was the truth. The solution has been under our eyes since the beginning and I haven’t seen it though the baby has already done this. It was showing me it since I found out about Rose’s pregnancy. I am the answer. I always have been the answer. That was so obvious none of us has thought about it. I just have to give a bit of my blood, not too much because there are still some risks of reject, for the baby to have the Time Lord things it needs for the end of its growth. Simple as that. I still can’t believe I haven’t thought about that solution instead of going through all the possible books and creating all the possible cures I could. The cure is in my blood, and all I have to do is fill plastic pocket with it and do a blood transfusion to Rose. Just enough blood for the baby. I think Jackie half forgave me because there’s now a good chance for Rose to survive._

_So, I’ve started filling plastic pockets right after I did the ultrasound – this is what I came for in the first place. The sound of the two hearts beating filled me with an indescribable joy, and the fact that the baby is perfectly healthy despite the troubles of its mother relieved me more than I would admit it. I really do love that child in the end. Maybe just as much as I love Rose. Maybe just as much as that child loves me. I did find out what the gender of the baby is too, and I couldn’t help but smile when I did, and because of that small smile, because of the tears of joy running down my face, both Jackie and Rose wanted to know what was going on. Both of them have asked for me to tell them what the gender is. So, it’s official: we’re gonna be the parents of a little girl. Rose is already arguing with her mother about the name our baby girl is gonna have, and I don’t think I would have a word to say, even if I already have a name in mind._

_A girl. I’m gonna be the father of a baby girl. I don’t think I’ve ever been so happy since the Time War. Rose was right: that baby is a gift. A gift of life. A gift of hope. The hope that I’m not totally lost, that I can be saved, that I’ve been saved. The gift of love and redemption. And if I can save both Rose and our baby, I will definitely deserve all that love and redemption they’re already giving me._


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Today, though, I decided to do something different while walking with her. Jackie was back in her flat to gather some stuff Rose might need in the last month of the pregnancy, but she threatened of kicking my ass if I ever tried to fly away with Rose and my box while she wasn’t there."

MONTH: 8.

 

08/04/07

 

_One month to go. Only one month to go and it will all be done. The baby will be born, and the troubles will be over. Supposing that Rose will survive of course. The question is still there in a part of my mind, even if I keep it to myself. I don’t want to worry any of the women on board, and I’m trying to convince myself that everything is gonna be alright. There’s no reason for anything to go wrong, right? No reason, but that prophecy that is still haunting me. The baby, or Rose. She was right. I usually never listen to those bullshits, but this time, it is about her and maybe that is the reason I’m so distraught. Maybe that is why I keep thinking about it and worrying about what is to come. My life is a full succession of running and disasters, of loss and pain. I don’t think this is gonna change just because I love a human woman, but I’m well placed to know that anything can happen._

_Anyway, I choose to believe Rose, to believe that everything is going to go well. After we found out for my blood, everything seemed to have taken a good turn. Rose had no sign of reject at all after the first transfusion. I had, after Jackie highly insisted, to run tests on myself to be sure I wasn’t a carrier of any disease… What did she think? Time Lords never get sick so we never carry any disease in our blood. Our superior biology is preventing us from catching anything from a simple cold to something more serious. But I did the tests. Just for her to be reassured, and there indeed wasn’t anything. Plus, by protecting herself, out little girl is also protecting her mother. Well, she’s keeping Rose’s blood clean at least, and now that I’m giving her the Time Lord things she needs, Rose is feeling better and better. That’s a real relief, for everyone._

_As soon as she felt strong enough to get out of bed, she started walking around the TARDIS again, even if I disagreed, but Jackie gave me the most irrefutable argument to convince me: it is good for both the baby and Rose because it’s making her blood circulate and Rose really needs that after being in bed for a few weeks. It’s good for her feet and ankles, but also for the oxygenation of the baby and of the mother and it keeps away some very human diseases. She agrees with me though about the fact that Rose always has to be accompanied whenever she wants to take a walk so we’re taking turns to do so. She’s being less harsh on me now and allows me to spend more time with Rose. We’re enjoying those little moments we can have and when Rose is feeling a bit tired of walking, I gently force her to sit down and recreate the bond for her to be able to communicate with the baby too._

_Today, though, I decided to do something different while walking with her. Jackie was back in her flat to gather some stuff Rose might need in the last month of the pregnancy, but she threatened of kicking my ass if I ever tried to fly away with Rose and my box while she wasn’t there. Tempting, but no travelling. It’s better for Rose. So, even if I don’t like it, I’m stuck on Earth until the baby is born. Rose doesn’t feel any better to be stuck on Earth either, but she understands that we’re doing it for her health. She was a bit depressed today – and I’m surprised that she held on for so long with everything that has happened – so I’m gonna show her something I’ve been working on for a while. When Jackie was keeping me away, I had to keep my mind busy so I’ve started working on something for our baby. I was hoping that Rose would like it and it has really made me nervous._

_So I took her to a room, just between my bedroom and hers, but I didn’t blindfold her so there wouldn’t be any risk of her tripping and falling even if I was holding her tight. The TARDIS made her believe that it was a perfectly normal room and revealed everything after I closed the door. I can remember the look of surprise and joy and the tears rolling down her cheeks when she watched the room changing into the baby’s bedroom I made. The TARDIS helped me a lot with the paintings of the walls while I was building the furniture. Of course, we did choose the space theme so the whole room is painted with the colours of stars and black holes and planets. The colours of the universe. Rose walked all around the room and lightly stroked the wooden furniture. Her touch was soft, and full of tenderness. She then walked back at me and hugged me tight and kissed me with so much love. She obviously loved what I’ve done._

_Since we still had some time before Jackie came back, we both laid down on the soft ground covered with carpet and looked at the stars on the ceiling. Rose was on her side, her head on my chest, her hand holding mine on her belly. We kept quiet for a long moment before she asked me if I have thought about names. I did really think about it, but never said a word about it since it was a battle between Rose and her mother. So, while we were sharing that quiet moment together, I told her the name I had in mind, and she told me that both her mother and her have thought about it. I guess that we might keep it as a final name, and I love it. It’s a lovely name, and I’m glad that Rose allowed me to have a word into the matter. She wants me to be fully involved in this, and choosing the name of my future daughter is one of the greatest steps. I want to be the greatest father and boyfriend I can be for Rose and our daughter._

_I brought Rose back to her room a few minutes before Jackie came back. She needed some rest and I stayed with her until she fell asleep for her daily nap. Jackie met us there, and soon as she was in the room, she decided to send me in town to go and get something Rose really wants to eat. I didn’t see any objection. If Rose wants to eat that meal – another strange mix of food – then, she should have it. I’ll get it for her, and I won’t have to worry since Jackie is gonna watch over her while I’m gonna be in town. As a woman who’s gone through a pregnancy – a normal one but still – as a mother, she will know what to do if anything happens. Or she will call me. I trust her on that point._

 

The Doctor was walking through the alleys of the store he was in, looking for all the things he needed to cook that meal Rose was willing to eat so bad. His hands were already full of ingredients because he hadn’t taken a basket at the entry of the shop. Some people were looking at him strangely, some were even smiling as he was struggling to keep everything in place in his arms, and wondering what kind of cheese Rose would like better in her meal. He never knew there were so many type of cheese on Earth. How was he supposed to know which one she would want? And Jackie kept making his list bigger by texting him – on Rose’s phone since it was the only one he had. He needed to find that cheese, and Jackie was asking for what? Popcorn, chocolate and dried grapes. He assumed – and really hoped – it was all for Rose because he didn’t want to be buying food for Jackie.

 

“I know everything of time and space, and I can’t choose a freaking cheese,” he sighed heavily.

 

He was totally ignoring the looks on him, and the people smiling but he was aware of them and that made him uncomfortable. As if it wasn’t humiliating enough to be forced into domestics with something as boring as doing shopping.

 

“How far?” suddenly asked a woman to him.

“I’m sorry?” he replied, looking at her.

“Your wife, how far is she in her pregnancy?”

 

The Doctor raised an eyebrow at her question. How could she know that he was buying food for a pregnant woman? A pregnant woman who wasn’t even his wife, and his hearts ached at that thought, because he really loved the woman and really wished she could be his wife. He couldn’t be more into domestics than that. That woman had definitely changed his life, and everything he had been for ages.

 

“She’s not my wife. Just… Just my friend.”

“You must really love your friend then. Not a lot of men gets involved in pregnancies.”

 

He bit his tongue not to say that it was something very human. It wouldn’t be very clever to reveal that he wasn’t human at all, that he was just an alien passing by. An alien who managed to make a young human girl become pregnant with his child. The woman would think he was either crazy or just a supporter of all the theories about the 51st zone. Which would really offend him.

 

“Eight months. Around thirty-two weeks.”

“Oh, it’s close.”

“Yeah.”

“You should take this one,” she recommended him by picking up a bag of cheese. “It’s a good one for future mothers. Very healthy.”

 

The Doctor nodded to thank her as she added the bag of cheese in his arms already full of food. He wasn’t sure if Rose would care about the healthy part but he did. He cared about her health and about their daughter’s health. The woman wished him good luck before she went back to her own shopping and the Doctor picked up the last things he needed before he headed to the checkout. He paid for all the things he had taken and hurried back to the TARDIS. The phone kept vibrating in his pocket. Jackie was calling him – who else would insist so much? – and he hoped it wasn’t too important because he couldn’t answer, because his hands were full with two bags full of food. Inside down though, he knew it was very important. He had that feeling in his hearts, a feeling that came to him too often in his taste lately. He sped up to get to the TARDIS quicker.

His blue box was now in sight. He hurried up even more, almost running as the feeling became stronger in his chest, almost suffocating him. His boots were hitting the ground to quick pace. The TARDIS’ doors were opened before he could even reach them and Jackie almost pulled him in by force. She looked cross, but she also looked in a panicked hurry.

 

“What have I done again?”

“Her water broke!”

“What?” The words took some time to reach his brain. “No way! It’s too early!”

 

He almost threw the bags into Jackie’s arms and ran to Rose’s room. He quickly examined Rose. Indeed, her water broke and the sheets were soaked with amniotic fluid. Rose was trying to breathe through the pain she was feeling, and it wouldn’t get better in the next hours if – when! – she would be in labour for real. The Doctor pulled the sheets away, letting Rose know about what he was doing.

 

“Doctor,” she called for him in pain, “what is going on with me?”

“Your water broke,” he said, very calmly, slipping two fingers into her. “Alright, we still have time.”

 

She wasn’t dilated enough. It would take hours before she was dilated enough to give birth, but he had to start the baby and the mother’s monitoring. In twelve hours or so, the baby would be there. They just had to stay calm and do the things methodically. The baby was early, but not too early. It could be fine.

 

“When did the contractions start?”

“A bit after you left. Already was in pain when we were in the room.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“It was back pains. I already had them before. They became more painful after our walk, and then, I thought I wetted the bed, but mom didn’t believe it. She said the same as you, that my water broke, but it’s too early. Doctor, our daughter isn’t ready to come out yet.”

 

The Doctor placed a hand on her cheek and stroked it softly. She was holding his hand so tight it was being painful but he didn’t complain. He was too busy trying to reassure her. It was too early, that was sure, but it was alright. He was there and he wouldn’t let her down. They were gonna give birth to that baby together.

 

“I know, but it’s okay. We’ll get through this together. She’s eight weeks too early, but she’s healthy and she’s half Time Lady. Not really a patient girl. You’ll both be fine. I’ll make sure of that.”

“I trust you.”

“Can you tell me how much time there is between two contractions?”

“Around twenty minutes,” said the voice of Jackie who came back into the room after she put away the food Rose wouldn’t eat now. “I counted. Old reflex.”

“Good. It’s just the beginning. We’re gonna get really busy in the next hours. We should all get ready.”

 

And they indeed got ready. For hours, the Doctor and Jackie prepared everything for the birth to come and help Rose to relax. She was way too anxious – it was her first baby, it was too early and she was in too much pain not to panic – and Jackie realised how well the Doctor was taking care of her daughter in that very difficult step, how he was staying calm though fear and pain echoing Rose’s were whirling in his blue eyes. He told them that he wasn’t the first time he was helping a woman to give birth, but it never had been with humans. The process wasn’t very different from a species to another so it was alright. Plus, he had Jackie and the TARDIS’ help. Everything would be alright. Everything _had_ to be alright. That choice was never gonna happen. The Doctor _couldn’t_ make it. Not now. Not when the things were going way too fast for all of them.

Hours passed by and Rose got into more and more pain as the labour was progressing. She was now dilated to four inches and the contractions were closer and closer. She was ready to give birth, and she was already so tired, but she had to hold on just a little bit longer. Everything was ready, and both Jackie and him were on alert. They could do this as long as they would work together. The Doctor would be, well, the doctor and Jackie would be the midwife.

 

“Okay, Rose,” the Doctor suddenly said. “The real things start now. Everything is going well so far. Now, it’s all about you. It’s gonna be really hard, but you can do this. I know you can. You’re gonna have to push and block and breathe whenever I’ll tell you. Your mother and I are keeping an eye on you and on the baby. It’s all gonna be alright, okay? You’re ready?”

“I’m ready,” she muttered, breathing slowly to get through another contraction. “Let’s give birth to our daughter, Doctor.”

 

This is how the next hours were spent: the Doctor giving orders to Rose and Jackie and the both of them obeying the best they could. Little by little, the baby was coming out and Rose was holding on, but the Doctor wasn’t relieved. It wasn’t done yet. Things could go wrong in the hours or days to come, but for now, everything was fine. Her tears and yells of pain were going through him and hurting him more than he could say. He hated seeing his Rose in pain and knew how much painful could giving birth be. Not that he experienced it himself. It was just a common knowledge.

 

“I know you’re really tired now, Rose, but this is almost done. One last time, okay?”

 

Rose nodded. Her face was covered in sweat and tears and her hair was falling in her eyes though Jackie was trying to cool her down with a cold rug with her free hand, the other one too busy holding her daughter’s hand to help her through the pain. Rose pushed one last time when the Doctor asked her to, and almost sighed in relief when it was done, when their little girl was finally out. The Doctor smiled at her, holding their baby in his arms, and cut the umbilical cord, but she wasn’t crying.

 

“She’s not crying…” weakly noticed Rose, just like everyone. “Why isn’t she crying, Doctor?”

 

He didn’t know, and he was worried because it meant that the prophecy was right, that he had a choice to make and if he was saving the baby, it would mean that Rose… He had no time to waste. He was about to start the urgent procedure when the little girl started to cry. The Doctor sighed in relief and did all the medical tests needed. Everything was alright with her. A little Time Lady in perfect health. He wrapped her into a clean and warm towel, slowly rocking her and talking to her quietly. He turned around to place her on Rose’s chest so mother and daughter could spend a little moment together but when he saw Rose’s face, he understood that something had gone wrong, and his hearts sank into his chest. A silent protestation escaped from his lips and he immediately gave the baby to Jackie. She took her, but she could see that something wasn’t right. Rose’s face was too pale, and she wasn’t breathing anymore.

 

“What’s going on, Doctor?” asked Jackie, panicked. “What isn’t she breathing anymore?”

“Her body has been through a lot lately, and it wasn’t ready to do such an effort,” he replied, scanning Rose with his sonic. “Asystole.”

 

He ordered Jackie to go into another room and to take care of the baby. She tried to protest but he sent her away. He was already doing the cardiopulmonary resuscitation gestures on Rose, begging her to keep fighting, to come back to them. After all, she couldn’t leave them that way. She couldn’t leave them when she hadn’t even held her daughter in her arms. He persisted on doing the heart massage and the mouth-to-mouth. The sonic screwdriver had noticed changes into Rose’s body. Changes that were caused by the presence of the Wolf, by the baby who’d grown inside her, by the blood he had given her. And he kept begging her, kept trying to save her life because he really didn’t want to lose her, because he didn’t see how that new information could be helpful. And the tears were running down his cheeks because she wasn’t coming back, and there would be consequences if she didn’t come back anytime soon, and he didn’t want to think about how he would possibly go on if he lost her now.

 

_The answer hit me when the time was almost over. I looked at the dead body of the woman I love, I looked at my hands still pressing her chest, and I kissed her cold lips again to throw some air into her lungs. That bad feeling was still here and I refused to listen to it, refused to believe that my Rose could be dead, and I could barely breathe or live until I knew I have saved her. And the pieces of information given by the sonic were tormenting my mind. It meant something, I knew it meant something, and suddenly, the answer came to my mind: Rose’s body has changed. The Wolf has changed it, the baby has changed it, my blood has changed it. It adjusted itself – oh, such a wonderful ability! – to the new things happening to it, and if Rose is still human, she also has a small Time Lord part into her. A Time Lord part that could save her._

_As soon as I managed to have a weak pulse, I did what Time Lords consider as the ultimate sacrifice: I gave her one of my life. I transferred the regenerative energy of one of my future lives into her body and waited. Seconds, minutes, hours, days. I don’t know. I wasn’t paying attention. I just know that I’ve waited, and if her heart is now beating strongly, my Rose Tyler still hasn’t opened her beautiful brown eyes. I don’t know what to expect. I don’t know if it’ll be enough, if she’s gonna survive or if her body is gonna reject my energy. I hate not knowing and I hate waiting so I’ve put under a close medical watch and Jackie is staying with her. Oh, she hates me again, but I didn’t make the choice, and I really hope that my Rose is gonna survive this. And as we wait for the mummy to wake up, I’m taking care of our little Millie Tyler like the best daddy I can be, telling her stories about how brave her mummy is, and how she will soon meet her. If everything goes well._


	9. Chapter 9

MONTH: 9.

 

09/04/07

 

_Once upon a time, there was a lonely man travelling in a blue box. That man was very lonely and very sad because he had lost his family and friends in a terrible conflict. That man was also full of anger, an anger that was burning in his veins, because of some bad things he had done. He was travelling through all of time and space with his box which was bigger on the inside. Sometimes, he was stopping onto a planet and helping people. He couldn’t forgive himself, but he hoped that the good things he was doing would help him not to hate on himself so much anymore. He never stopped travelling, though he could sometimes spend days or weeks locked into his box. He sometimes didn’t want to see people, and just remained alone in his room to cry so no one would see him so broken. Except for his magical box which couldn’t comfort him through their telepathic bond._

_The man called himself the Doctor but he was thinking that he didn’t deserved the name anymore. He would better have the Coward or the Killer as a new name, but somehow, he never changed it. What he had done wasn’t in the name of the Doctor. He had done it in the name of the war. He sure had saved the universe that day, but he had also lost all his family and friends, and knowing that they all died from his hands made it even harder to accept and to handle. But he kept his name, and he kept travelling through all of time and space to try and forget the pain he was feeling in the bottom of his two hearts. With time, the feeling of pain and loss made him appreciate the little things of life, made him appreciate life and its manifestations, and he was fighting for people to keep believing in those little things he didn’t deserve anymore._

_One day that the Doctor was enjoying some free and peaceful time on Earth, he found himself tracked by the Autons, creatures made of plastic and controlled by the Nestene Consciousness. His survival instinct was telling him to run, to run as fast as he could before the Autons decided to start a fight and forced him to sink back into the darkness of his soul. His protective instinct though was telling to stay and protect that planet once again. So, he just stayed and hid into a store to set the Autons up. That was when he heard her yell. He rushed to the basement and saw the Autons threatening her. He took no time to think and ran to her. Before she could even understand what was going on, he had grabbed her hand and told her to run._

_He never let go of her hand while they were running for their lives in that basement. He played the clever and detached guy when he sent her back home. He thought he would never see her ever again, but he was so wrong and he was so blind, so closed to feelings he thought were useless. He almost begged her to come with him after they had defeated the Autons together, after she had saved his life, and she refused so he just decided to move on and go back to his lonely and sad life. He eventually came back and added something that made her change her mind and come with him. She was abandoning all behind her just to follow him in the mad run to see the universe. At first, he had just wanted to show her that he was impressive, that he was more than the daft man she had seen until now. He was selfish, only thinking of him, thinking of what she would think of him. Was it that bad?_

_The blonde woman’s name was Rose. Rose Tyler. A name he could never forget even if he tried to. Which he wouldn’t. Rose Tyler wasn’t a woman he ever wanted to forget. They travelled together for a while – a few years, or maybe just a few months – and she managed to get to him in a way he never thought would be possible. When he thought he was the one showing her the wonders of time and space, she was the one showing him that every life mattered. She showed him that compassion could heal. She showed him the light at the end of the tunnel. She showed him that he could be forgiven for what he had done, and that he could be loved. She was proving him that everything was possible, even if he thought it was impossible. She was strong, and brave, and radiant, and so alive when he was so weak, so cowardly, so dull, and so dead inside. And that’s how he slowly fell in love with Rose Tyler. So fast, so deep, so painful._

_She made him feel so alive, made him appreciate the little things of life even more, made him think that maybe, just maybe, he wasn’t a lost cause. Maybe he could be saved, and maybe she could save him. He hadn’t realised that it was exactly what she was doing. She had seen the lonely broken man and decided to pick up the pieces of him and to put them back together. By the time he realised what she had been doing all this time, it was already too late for him. She was dying to save him from the greatest threat in the universe, and he couldn’t let that happen. He couldn’t let the woman he loved, the woman who had saved him, die for him. Rose Tyler was the purest person he had ever met, and he couldn’t let the light she was die. He sacrificed himself to protect her and found the strength to say goodbye though his whole body was consuming itself. He was pushing the death away, trying to have some more time with her._

_But it was short, so short, and soon, everything became so dark and so bright at the same time. He felt like he was burning from the inside and it was painful, oh so painful. There was nothing to do about it. He just had to wait until it was done, until the pain disappeared. Until he disappeared to be another man that would take care of his precious Rose. He hoped. If the new Doctor, if the new him didn’t take care of her, he knew he would be desperate. He would know somehow. But he never changed. That was a miracle he couldn’t explain, but he remained the same daft old man she had always known, and she was the one taking care of him when he finally opened his eyes again. Something had changed between them between the moment he had collapsed and the moment he had woken up, but they didn’t know it quite yet. It was doubts, hesitations, small touches and talks, but never the truth._

_The truth was told hours later after the Doctor had been kicked out of Rose’s mom flat. Her mother was a woman with a strong character and who could be slightly frightening if you made the mistake of touching her daughter in a way she wouldn’t like. She didn’t really like the Doctor, had never really liked the fact he had taken her Rose away in the stars, but the Doctor understood. He understood that the mother was scared of losing her only child to the man of the stars with such a dangerous and unpredictable life, but the harm had been done. Rose Tyler had already fallen in love with Doctor, and when she met him in his box that night, she proved him how much she loved him. That love was stronger and bigger than the infinite blue box he was travelling in, and he was soon submerged by it. So submerged he finally allowed her to see his feelings, allow himself to love her for real. And it felt so good._

_A few months passed by after that night they had revealed their feelings to each other, and it was months of happiness though the Doctor was really concerned about his Rose Tyler who was acting strangely, his so precious Rose Tyler who was being sick with a disease he couldn’t heal. He soon found out that she was carrying his child, but since he was a man from the stars, it was too much for her and she couldn’t handle it. Thankfully, the Doctor had the help of some of his friends from space and he managed to help his love until her body couldn’t take it anymore. It was in a hot august night, on Earth, that Rose gave him the greatest gift of life: she gave him a little girl. A part of him and a part of her in a tiny little baby. A gift of life. A gift of hope. However, the joy was short-lived since everything had gone wrong for her because she died in the process._

_The Doctor found himself desperate and the joy he had felt while holding his little girl in his arms vanished when he realised that his Rose was gone. He entrusted his baby to Rose’s mother and ordered her to go into another room while he was doing everything to bring Rose back. Literally everything. When he felt the faintest sign of life in her, he did the ultimate sacrifice. The Doctor was a man who could change his face and cheat on Death. He was a man of many lives, and so he chose to give one of his remaining lives to the woman he loved to make sure she would survive. Ever since that day, he had been waiting for her to wake up from the sleep she was trapped in. It never happened though. The days were passing by and she remained asleep, and the Doctor felt really lonely though he was spending a lot of time with his daughter, and with Rose’s mother. And it hurt him so much to see that his Rose wasn’t waking up._

 

The Doctor was laying on his side on his bed. He was fully clothed with his boots and jacket on. He had stayed awake for days, watching over Rose, taking care of Millie and playing with her, talking with Jackie. He had refused to sleep, even when Jackie insisted for him to take some rest before he collapsed too. He had resisted for five days before he started showing some signs of intense fatigue caused by the fact he had never stop running everywhere. Then, he had started having some hours of sleep here and there when Jackie was watching over Rose or taking care of Millie. Right now, the little girl was sleeping against his chest, her little hand gripped on his jumper. The Doctor had wrapped her in a part of his leather jacket and he had an arm sloppily put on her small body. She was also sleeping very deeply, and sometimes sighed contently and tightened her little grip on the item of clothing.

Jackie was standing in the doorway, lightly leaned on the door frame, and was watching the scene before her with a small smile on her lips. She had never thought that the Doctor would be a good father, but she had been wrong. When she was watching him with Millie, she was always surprised of how good a father he actually was. It warmed her heart to see him that way, but there was always a hint of sadness in her because Rose couldn’t see the cuteness of it all. One month had passed by and she still hadn’t opened her eyes. The Doctor had said something about a regenerative coma, that she would wake up when her body would be fully healed from the ordeal it had to go through. He had implied that Rose was now a bit more like him because the baby had changed her. But not too much. Just enough for her to survive this. If she ever woke up.

Millie slightly moved and the Doctor pulled her a bit closer to him. Both the daughter and the father sighed contently but none of them woke up. Jackie smiled once again, and was tempted to take a picture of the moment. Just to add it on a future photo album. Just for Rose to be able to see it.

 

“If you could see them, Rose,” sadly murmured Jackie. “I’ve never thought the Doctor could be a good father.”

“I can see them, mum,” replied Rose’s voice to her, “and I’m glad to see that you’re changing your mind on him.”

 

Jackie turned around and she was left speechless. Rose was standing next to her. Her arms were folded over her chest and she was smiling at the cute scene she was looking at. A little leather notebook was stuck between her arms and chest. The Doctor’s leather notebook. He had left it in her room earlier. Jackie’s eyes grew big when she realised that Rose was really there, that it wasn’t an hallucination. She immediately hugged her tight, tears in the corner of her eyes. Rose hugged her back and rubbed her back gently.

 

“When did you…” started Jackie, but she couldn’t end her sentence.

“Around an hour ago. I took a shower to get rid of the stiffness of my body and changed clothes. The TARDIS led me there when I was done.”

 

Indeed, her hair was still damp and her clothes were clean. Her skin was fresh and she looked healthy and very good. As if she had had a full night of sleep and not a full month. Rose broke the hug and watched the Doctor and their daughter sleeping together.

 

“He’s exhausted. Never stopped running around since, well…”

“Since I died.”

“Yeah.”

“But he saved me. He saved the both of us.”

“I’m still trying to understand that.”

“He offered me a longer life to spend with him, with our daughter.”

“He made you like him.”

“No. I’m still human, mum. Not a 100% human anymore, but still human.”

“…”

“And whatever I am, I’ll still be your little girl.”

 

Rose hugged her mother once again and kissed her cheek before she slowly walked into the room. She laid down close to the Doctor and pressed herself against his back. She kissed his head lovingly and wrapped an arm around him. Her hand found her daughter and she stroked her head, smiling. The Doctor smiled sleepily, but didn’t move. He hadn’t realised yet.

 

“You did it, Doctor,” Rose murmured in his ear. “You saved the both of us.”

 

This time, he woke up. Suddenly. And he looked at her. Surprised. She smiled at him and wrapped him in her arms. He had done it. He had saved her. He had saved their daughter. And now, they would enjoy a brand new life together. They had survived. Somehow.

Later, they were all sitting on the bed like the little family they were. Millie was still sleeping, but in her father’s arms this time. She was slowly waking up because of the voices around her. There was a voice she didn’t know yet. A voice she liked a lot.

 

“You left this in my room,” quietly said Rose, putting down the small leather notebook on the bed. “That’s a nice story.”

“You weren’t supposed to read that,” he told her as Millie opened her eyes. “Did you really like it?”

“I like the end most.”

The Doctor smiled, “I think it’s time for you to finally meet our little girl.”

 

Millie was fully awake now and she was looking around her curiously. The Doctor handed Rose their daughter and smiled when the little girl touched Rose’s face while she was talking to her softly. Rose’s face was brightened with a soft smile, and with so much love in her eyes as she watched the little girl. Her little girl. She was so beautiful. She sure looked like her mother, but she had her father’s eyes for sure. Those piercing blue eyes Rose loved so much. She looked up at him and gave him a tongue-touching smile. A smile he would die for a third time with no hesitation. He slowly leaned towards her and pressed his lips against hers softly. They hadn’t had to hide their feelings for each other anymore now. They were a family. The Doctor still had his bond with Millie, and it was stronger now that she was born. While they were all sitting on the bed, the bond was very present and their minds were filled with the love they felt for each other. The most beautiful and powerful bond that could ever exist. The only bond the Doctor wanted to keep and cherish forever.

 

_It took his lovely Rose one full month to get fully better and to finally wake up from her sleep, but the Doctor wasn’t there when she opened her eyes. There only was his small leather notebook in the bedside table. She smiled because she had seen him write in this notebook so many times before, but never dared asking him what he was writing. Maybe he had left it for her to read. She hesitated, took a shower, and changed clothes. And only then, she started reading the story the Doctor had written in all those months they were travelling together. Their story. It simply was their story, and even if it made her sad to see all they had been through, she was also smiling because of the love she could read between the lines and in the words. She had been awful to him, but he seemed to have understood that it was mostly the hormones talking for her. That story was the most precious of all in her eyes._

_Later, she met the Doctor in the room he was sleeping in with their little girl. She didn’t know yet why they had both survived, but it didn’t matter to her since the Doctor wouldn’t be alone. Never again. Rose hugged her mother and smiled at the cuteness of the father sleeping with his daughter before she joined them. The surprise was complete and the three of them shared a moment together before Rose’s mom came back with Millie’s bottle. The Doctor wanted to show Rose how to feed their baby, but realised quickly that she was doing well already. It was as if she had done this all her life. She was so natural, and the Doctor couldn’t help but smile. He had spent a whole month with the little Millie. Now it was time for Rose to spend some time with their daughter, to learn to know her, slowly but surely. And soon, they would show her the stars._

_One day, as the three of us were travelling, the Doctor happened to meet the Bad Wolf. At least, one of the Bad Wolf’s forms. She told him that she knew he would never make a choice between his daughter and his now future wife. She also knew that he would save the baby, and had expected Rose to die the moment he took his decision without really knowing it. What she hadn’t expected though was him fighting so hard to save Rose’s life, him giving her one of his remaining lives to do so. When she had seen his determination to save both mother and daughter, the Bad Wolf had decided to do something for him. She had never really left Rose – and that was why he hadn’t regenerated: because Rose hadn’t wanted him to and had used some of the remaining power she had to keep him the way he was – and would forever be a part of her mind. When he had given her regenerative energy, he had given strengths back to the Wolf. And to congratulate him on breaking the prophecy apart and fighting for what was right, she had given Rose the gift of immortality._

_The Doctor had never been so happy than that day. His terrible actions had been forgiven, and he was given love and redemption in the persons of Rose and Millie. Two persons who would forever stay by his side thanks to the Wolf. He wasn’t lost, and lonely, and broken anymore. Now, the Doctor was a brand new man. He had found his way back on the right track, was well accompanied and he had been healed by the purest and most beautiful person in the universe. He now knew what home really felt like: it was being with Rose and Millie in their TARDIS and showing them the wonders of space and time. A_ fantastic _life._

 

\- THE END -

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There was a time, not so long ago, where I would have killed Rose, and left the Doctor alone with their daughter, but somehow, I became softer and decided to write a happy ending.  
> This is the end of an adventure and I absolutely loved writing this short fiction. I hope you liked reading it, just as much as I loved writing it. Thank you for all your support, and kudos, and comments. This means a lot to me.


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